Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. A: Burn the candle at both ends. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. A: Kumquat. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? . Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). the Denver Nuggets. pants. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. night? Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . pre built n scale train layouts. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? A: Beethoven's Fifth. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? sister's hooped skirt. Its hard to divine when you cant see. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! [1] BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. A: Madame Kitty. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? A: Peter Pan. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" A: Executive action. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". . Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? cleanup team? Here's how it played out on air. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. The Question: Name six fictional T.V. Kitchy-Kitchy? . Line: 107 A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. A: Kris Kristofferson A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? A: England, France and Greece. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Hoffa. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Inning. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. promises. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. lizard. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? A: Trapper John. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? My favorite Carnac(sp?) , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly . hair". [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. The Answer: No more years! The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? A: Eleven. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Can't decide? May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. No more years! Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Wheres the exit sign? . Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. . Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). A: Gatorade. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. A: Jaques Cousteau. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: Pot luck. grandfather. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. . Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Ed McMahon: Shogun. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . a #2 mayonnaise Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. . The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . The Answer: Become a professional politician. Q: How do you get it? A: Groundhog. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. "You Light Up My Life.". Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. A: Snap, crackle, pop. A: "Rose Bowl." Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. A: "Coming home." violence? Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? A: "Leave it to Beaver." parents. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? . Browse more quotes by famous person's name. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. The answer was always an outrageous pun. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. Carson 500's, The 1985. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. sister. They've been kept in The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. A: Ben Gay. A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? be sending Georgia soon? Curses, Curses, Curses . Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. nowadays. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" Is that about right, sir? The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. A: Double trouble. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Get Image Page 2 of 4 ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. Description. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. The Answer: They found no brain activity. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling Q: What do you use to fry a peter? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. A: That darn cat. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. Return to Political Humor , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. A: "Hi diddly dee." . Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. A: The Orient express. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory B. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Johnny would don an . girlfriend. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. proctologist. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and A: 2001. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. Youre the straight man. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. A: All the President's men. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Q: What do crabs get high on? As a child of four can folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. I hope it makes you laugh. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . A: Blazing Saddles. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. A: Fort Knox. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Q: What do you say when calling your quat? (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Around the world in 80 days. A: The Sugarland Express. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. A: Lady-in-waiting. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? . , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Commissary. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. alley? Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: Sex. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. A: "Gung Ho!" Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461.
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